Dallas Hanson is a GIRL

Oh, and also he's one of my favorite people ever. Even though I strive after others' attention much more than his, he is one of the best friends I have ever had. There are a few things that very, very matter to me and they matter to him to, because he is a good guy? Dally, te amo.

Lars And The Real Girl is a beautiful movie. I highly recommend it to everyone ever.

Things I know nothing about, volume-this moment: ethics and morality.

The concept doesn't hardly make sense to me either. It is very problematic, since I obviously judge people on "moral" issues, or with the conviction of them being in the "wrong." And yet, I have no defined ethical systems. I don't even analyze my responses to others' actions, I simply act on instinct without question or thought. Hell, I don't even bother to rationalize what I do, I just go head first. I pick one goal (not necessarily the path of least resistance, often the opposite) and I push for it with all my might. That is not rational behaviour. Not that I have ever claimed to be rational. I would just appreciate being less instinct driven. If that's what you would call it? The only reason I hesitate, is because I do not necessarily choose actions that I want or need. A lot of the time, I do not even have a conscious reason for doing something. It is just an impulse.

It is hard for me to grasp the notion of right and wrong. It is too...abstract, I suppose? And, I have no defined world view, so I cannot use one to help me understand the other. I don't even know what I'm looking for, to be quite honest. Some sort of quasi-logical justification for my actions, or something "good" to base my future actions off, I reckon?

Erg, this is why I hate taking classes that come close to making me think. They make me remember that I can't think. I have the critical thinking skills of a fifth grader, no common sense, and the complete inability to make any proper abstract connections. I cannot think for myself, is what I think it boils down to. Leading me to befriend those with either strong opinions, or at least very pervasive presences, or especially those who can lay bare human machinations, and determine motives, drives, ambitions, etc. But now I'm bored of talking about this, seeing as I'm making no headway, and also, I'm bored.

Words are worth not the coherency of their constructions, but the intent of their utterance.

Oh, hey. Also, I think everyone needs this in their life. 'Cause. C'mon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3rFNbSKpEE

Well it's hard to feel happy when that's not how you feel, and yours is just one of the million beating hearts ~ Tell The Stars by Balthrop, Alabama

Recuerdo

So, I was just reminded by the Facebook that my birthday is tomorrow. Teenage personalities are so very pliable, and I find it strange and worrisome, but probably for the best. A few years ago, around this time, I was an incredibly different person. I was angrier. I was more impulsive. I did what I wanted when I felt like it; my existence was based solely on instant gratification. I was the happiest and the saddest I have ever been. I was selfish and selfless, in such different capacities than I am now. I isolated myself, because I knew the world was rough. I made very poor decisions, and I took the consequences with a stoicism I now envy. I was living quickly. A tiny, resilient, rebellious flame, and god help anyone who crossed my path.

I'm changing, slowly. Hopefully for the better.

I don't know where I am, and I do not know where I am going. But at this moment in time, I want to be going somewhere. I've set myself up for a big fall, but I've made leaps of faith before.

But it's seven plus one from here to where I wanna be ~ Floating Bridge by MC Frontalot

Holy Positivity, Batman!

In an effort to counter my massive negativity, this post is going to be solely for the purpose of self-validation. If you want to know things I like about myself, read on fellow. If not, AVERT YOUR GAZE.

I like to sing, and I like my voice.

I can play the cello like nobody's business.

I can write relatively well.

I am going to graduate.

I am very loyal.

I will help those I care about without a second thought.

I am pretty.

I like to draw and I like what I draw.

I am not a narcissist.

I like that I will always rather forgive than forget.

I like that I am trusting, even though I always trust the wrong people.

I am bilingual, and I love to speak Spanish.

I am willing to make leaps of faith.

I like that I will do something just because it feels right.

I will not hurt people around me for personal gain.

I like my idiosyncrasies.

I especially like that other people pick up my idiosyncrasies.

I like my hair when I get out of the shower.

I can do calculus. Not necessarily with ease, but I can sort it all out.

Every time I say "I love you" I mean it.

And that wraps it up for now, kidlets. Hope you're all swell, or at least not terribly shitty.

But I ain't givin' up quite yet, I've got too much to lose ~ Sweet and Low by Augustana

Inquisitions And Tornadoes

Old poem, I liked it a lot, but it's kind of short. My friend Cheyenne enlisted me to write some slam, so. It's intended to be read aloud, y'know.

Be Like

Don't cry cardboard, baby.

It paper-cuts too deep and

you can't even

river me

with it.

Don't bite your fingers to water, Jamie.

You only have so much

and I can't kiss it better

when you've stopped beating.

Don't stomp the stairs down, Johnny.

How will I climb to your love dressed in

sorry because

I can't climb walls, Peter.

I'm too afraid of jumping down.

Don't ignite, Chloe.

I'm buried too deep to put you out

and who will broom up your ash eyes

with weeping willow fingers?

Don't charcoal horses, Tommy.

You used up all the gas

when you reversed the world's turn

and all the little birds upside-down fell

away.

Don't sad sky, emily.

Sad sunsets

so that I

can sunrise you happy.

Don't dream nightingales

dream mockingbirds.

Rilo Kiley-A Better Son/Daugher

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move

Awake, but cannot open my eyes.

And the weight is crushing down on my lungs,

I know I can't breathe

And hope someone will save me this time.

And your mother's still calling you insane and high

Swearing it's different this time

And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her

And that god never blessed her insides

Then you hang up the phone

And feel badly for upsetting things

Crawl back in to bed to dream of a time

When your heart was open wide

And you loved things just because

Like the sick and the dying.

And sometimes when you're on

You're really fucking on

And your friends they sing along and they love you.

But the lows are so extreme

That the good seems fucking cheap

And it teases you for weeks in its absence.

But you'll fight and you'll make it through

You'll fake it if you have to

And you'll show up to work with a smile.

You'll be better and you'll be smarter

And more grown up and a better daughter or son

And a real good friend.

And you'll be awake, you'll be alert

You'll be positive though it hurts

And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends

And you'll be a real good listener

You'll be honest, you'll be brave

You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful.

You'll be happy.

Your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

To the cries and the wails of the valley below

And your ship may be coming in

You're weak but not giving in

And you'll fight it, you'll go out fighting all of them.

Rules of My Life: Version 1.0

So, some people (namely Kevin, Tyler, and a little bit Dallas) were getting uppity about some things that I do. Now you have no grounds, kidlets. There are legit rules in place, and you can not break them.

1. Most importantly: I can totally declare things in my life non-canon. Don't argue. It is a rule.

2. Dallas cannot flirt with my friends/cousins. I srsly will hurt you Dallas.

3. If I decide we are no longer friends, you cannot friggin' argue with me. Hullo.

4. If I decide we are friends, don't argue. We are now friends.

5. Probably nobody should make a big deal when I come home with found animals?

6. I can be in two places at once.

7. I do not need a reason to be mad at you. I do not care if you think I am irrational; if I am mad at you, you are in the wrong.

8. I have every right to switch my mind about every single thing. 'Paradigm shifts' are totes acceptable.

9. If I am mad at you one minute, that does not necessarily mean I will be mad at you the next. Or vice versa.

10. I can absolutely make up rules for my life.

To be continued.

How can I turn away from your gun, how can I stay here where others would run? ~ Bird Never Flies by Ari Hest

Another List?!

But one not filled with angst! Whoa-oh.

Things I Am Totally A Fan Of: Mega-Abridged

- intentionally offending people (hilarious)

- knowing how someone feels about me, positive or negative

- articulating well (it rarely happens with me, but when it does-man, watch out)

- causing jealousy

- requited everything

- Eddie Izzard

- my animals, zooka, rizzo and maggie

- the interweb! it's crazy!

- rain

- cuddlin'

- books and reading-way to go written language!

- ri-damn-diculous slang

- Patrick Stewart

- Facebook chats at 2 in the morning

- music (recommendations?)

- wearing too much jewelry

- Audrey Hepburn

- enemies (currently searching for a nemesis)

- television (guilty pleasure) and movies

- photography, preferably photojournalism

- The Walden School of Liberal Arts and all the wonderful people I have met because of it

- exclamations!!

- grey-blue eyes

- spontaneity (I am soooo very impulse-driven)

- giant tractor wheels!

- sunflowers (probably my very favorite flower! they are lovely and hearty and they follow the sun)

- my grandparents

- flappers

- alliteration

- webcomics

- not being classified or analyzed

- travel

- spanish

- Mexico

- science

- explosions

- calculus

- sincerity

- H for Holograms

- unsolicited shows of affection

I'm high and I'm happy and I'm free, I got my whole heart laid out right in front of me ~ Seahorse by Devendra Banhart