Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Dallas Hanson is a GIRL

Oh, and also he's one of my favorite people ever. Even though I strive after others' attention much more than his, he is one of the best friends I have ever had. There are a few things that very, very matter to me and they matter to him to, because he is a good guy? Dally, te amo.


Lars And The Real Girl is a beautiful movie. I highly recommend it to everyone ever.

Things I know nothing about, volume-this moment: ethics and morality.
The concept doesn't hardly make sense to me either. It is very problematic, since I obviously judge people on "moral" issues, or with the conviction of them being in the "wrong." And yet, I have no defined ethical systems. I don't even analyze my responses to others' actions, I simply act on instinct without question or thought. Hell, I don't even bother to rationalize what I do, I just go head first. I pick one goal (not necessarily the path of least resistance, often the opposite) and I push for it with all my might. That is not rational behaviour. Not that I have ever claimed to be rational. I would just appreciate being less instinct driven. If that's what you would call it? The only reason I hesitate, is because I do not necessarily choose actions that I want or need. A lot of the time, I do not even have a conscious reason for doing something. It is just an impulse.
It is hard for me to grasp the notion of right and wrong. It is too...abstract, I suppose? And, I have no defined world view, so I cannot use one to help me understand the other. I don't even know what I'm looking for, to be quite honest. Some sort of quasi-logical justification for my actions, or something "good" to base my future actions off, I reckon?
Erg, this is why I hate taking classes that come close to making me think. They make me remember that I can't think. I have the critical thinking skills of a fifth grader, no common sense, and the complete inability to make any proper abstract connections. I cannot think for myself, is what I think it boils down to. Leading me to befriend those with either strong opinions, or at least very pervasive presences, or especially those who can lay bare human machinations, and determine motives, drives, ambitions, etc. But now I'm bored of talking about this, seeing as I'm making no headway, and also, I'm bored.

Words are worth not the coherency of their constructions, but the intent of their utterance.

Oh, hey. Also, I think everyone needs this in their life. 'Cause. C'mon.



Well it's hard to feel happy when that's not how you feel, and yours is just one of the million beating hearts ~ Tell The Stars by Balthrop, Alabama

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Recuerdo

So, I was just reminded by the Facebook that my birthday is tomorrow. Teenage personalities are so very pliable, and I find it strange and worrisome, but probably for the best. A few years ago, around this time, I was an incredibly different person. I was angrier. I was more impulsive. I did what I wanted when I felt like it; my existence was based solely on instant gratification. I was the happiest and the saddest I have ever been. I was selfish and selfless, in such different capacities than I am now. I isolated myself, because I knew the world was rough. I made very poor decisions, and I took the consequences with a stoicism I now envy. I was living quickly. A tiny, resilient, rebellious flame, and god help anyone who crossed my path.

I'm changing, slowly. Hopefully for the better.

I don't know where I am, and I do not know where I am going. But at this moment in time, I want to be going somewhere. I've set myself up for a big fall, but I've made leaps of faith before.

But it's seven plus one from here to where I wanna be ~ Floating Bridge by MC Frontalot